After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
