ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
