whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
