chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
time to smoke my breakfast
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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