Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
