so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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