I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
