just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
