We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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