the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
