now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
