next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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