my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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