if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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