matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
