i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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