may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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