i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
bring money and cleavage
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
