So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
