Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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