If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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