After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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