matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
