I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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