im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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