I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
