She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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