Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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