you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
