you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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