i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
