maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
