He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
