if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
