the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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