she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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