At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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