fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
