So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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