What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
