Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
