My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
