the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the day after is always just damage control
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
