so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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