its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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