WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
