I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
