Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Randomize
