i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
