oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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