a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
