so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
